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| Red Panda |
Wheelchair bus
A mini bus turned up with one of the rear seats taken out and space enough for me to slot in. It appears this modified bus was pre-planned, so in answer to my earlier question, yes I was invited. They've met me as well so they know I'm an idiot. Oh well, there was no backing out now.
Richard (the driver) secured me in place using straps attached to my wheels and clipped into rails on the floor. While he was securing my seatbelt he told me he drives for Headway quite often as they go on several trips a year, and it used to be on the other bus but he will use a wheelchair bus from now on.
On Safari
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| Me looking at an Elephant |
Everybody got back on the bus and the day started with a nice leisurely drive around the park, regularly interrupted by Giraffe, Rhinoceros, Ankole Cattle etc, sauntering across the road, The Rhinoceros in particular walks around with the authority of knowing it's the toughest thing on the park. The thing is basically walking around wearing metal armour, and with a horn attached to its face, nothing's going to argue with it. So confident nobody would say anything it decided to open it's bowels while it was walking and as the bus passed, it stared at us as if to say "and what?"
Unfortunately I have to say the access on the safari drive is abysmal. The ground is very uneven - in many sections it's pure mud with animal faeces trodden in. There are no ramps to be seen, there are no smooth walkways for me to roll along...There are even wild animals roaming around.
I repeatedly asked Richard to open the rar door of the bus as the asthmatic gerbil breathing on me wasn't keeping me cool, but he shouted something about health & safety from the front. I think that's what he said but I couldn't hear properly because of the Hannibal Lecter mask I was forced to wear. Apparently it was on Anne-Marie's insistence as I've repeatedly tried to bite her.
We spent a lot of time over at the Giraffe enclosure. Many of the giraffes were in the road blocking our progress, especially 1 female and 2 males. The female was trying to get away from the 2 giraffes I've nicknamed Donald and Weinstein. #MeToo obviously means nothing in the giraffe world.
While we were waiting I recalled 1 of my previous visits to this safari park, a story I tell in my book Brain Tumours, John Bonham and Fat Pigeons
We decided to go to West Midlands Safari Park. I was in the Nissan - a car I despised; I probably intended to stick red meat all over the car’s body and hope the monkeys would rip it apart.
Unfortunately, they were nowhere to be seen, they had all run inside because they didn’t want anybody taking photos of them in the Nissan’s vicinity.
Giraffes were the last set of animals, wandering amongst the line of cars as we queued to leave. Food pellets could be purchased from the gift shop, something we weren’t aware of. As we reached the giraffe section, we saw people putting the pellets on the roof of their cars. These awesome creatures were walking right up to them to eat the food.
I was jealous, so I said, “I’ll stick my hand out like I’ve got food and when it comes over it’ll be close enough to touch.
I opened the window and stuck my arm out as if I was offering food. A giraffe clocked me and started trotting over. “It’s working” I announced excitedly. The giraffe approached, didn’t pause to investigate and swallowed most of my forearm. When it realised there was no plant-based food on the end of this meat stick, it released me. My arm was dripping in a gallon or so of giraffe spit, which has the viscosity of the thickened drinks that would later become my staple diet.
I reached for the sachet of wet wipes to find there was one left.
Wet wipes are tiny.
Source: Brain Tumours, John Bonham and Fat Pigeons
We got around the park in about an hour and a half. I couldn't reach my arm out of the chair this time as I was tied to the chair like I was being held for ransom and after I told this story nobody else seemed keen.
Inside the park
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| A poser |
There is acres of space here, there are various attractions like the Penguin aquarium, Reptile World, Sea Lion Theatre and the Dino Diner Restaurant.
We went up to Dino Diner as all that sitting around in the bus had worked up our appetites. The Dino Diner was up a not insignificant incline, well it probably is insignificant if you're walking, but it felt quite steep to me. It was nothing my iM.4 Elite from Easy Living Mobility couldn't handle however. West Midlands Safari Park can't dictate the level of the land, but they can dictate what terrain is on the ground leading upto the entrance, which is why it's curious that they would choose cobbled paving stones. Those walking on a warm sunny day like today probably wouldn't notice a difference. I however lose all the fillings from my teeth when rolling over them. That's a lie actually - I don't have any fillings. I jangled like you were shaking a piggy bank as all the loose change in my pockets rattled around. That's also a lie actually - who carries cash nowadays? They changed the terrain from perfectly appropriate tarmac (whether rolling or walking) to something that rattled me around like a maraca and is surely quite slippy to walk on when it's wet.
Dino Diner
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| Tiger |
The floor is tiled and smooth as silk to roll across. I could get everywhere in the restaurant, everything is on the one level. The tables were nicely spaced out, some were round, some were rectangle and there were no legs to prevent me from getting close to my food. A lot of the time I'm sat some distance from the table or have to sit at an angle to get as close as possible.
You order your food when you enter and your given a disc like a miniature ice hockey puck. When it bleeps and all of the lights light up, your food is ready. Word of warning - Don't go for one of the Loaded Healthy Pasta options. They're cheaper than the other options (which at these prices is very appealing). I ordered the Beef Bolognaise which came in a plastic/polystyrene/paper cup thing with a woody/plasticy fork who's handle is so small I was constantly wiping bolognaise sauce off my hand. All of the sauce is plopped on top of the pasta, So you have a cup of plain pasta underneath. I looked on with envy as everything else on my table came out on plates. The fish and chips looked so fresh it must have been cooked just before it was put on the plate.
A Trip to the Loo
I took myself over to the toilets. The door into the toilet area (gents, ladies and disabled) has an inward swinging door that was light and very easy to prop open with my outstretched leg. Once inside there was plenty of room with the door into the gents to the left, ladies in front and the disabled loo to the right.
TOILET watch
The door to the toilet was unlocked and open to the public but didn't appear to have been used. I assume because the disabled toilet was around the corner, people didn't know it was there. The room was tiny, it was barely long enough to fit the wheelchair when the door was open. The door must have been about a millimetre from the back of the wheelchair. I couldn't turn the chair around to lock the door, so I pushed the door shut behind me and did my best contortionist act to lock it. I had to line up the chair directly in front of the toilet and do a complete 180 mid transfer. I did the same in reverse when finished, reached behind me to unlock the door and opened the door while edging forward...which I achieved after several attempts.
1/5:
A walk around the park
The upkeep of the park left a lot to be desired. That might sound a bit harsh actually, like I was commenting on how the animals were kept. I'm not, in fact the Hippopotamus are a good example of the big areas they are kept in.
I was referring to the pot holes. There are quite long walks between animals and there were several small craters scattered all over the path. I was studying the ground, not wanting to look up as the chair would have just fallen in to one. Just about all the paths are covered by brown thin dust that is very slippy underneath your fo...wheel. A number of times Richard had to grab my chair as I was steering in a different direction than the one the chair was sliding. I had no control.
All in all it was a pleasant enough day, but West Midlands Safari Park isn't somewhere I would choose to visit again. I think the wheelchair access is pretty poor, there are areas where no effort has been made. For example: There was a white lion enclosure, but the lion was nowhere to be seen. Some of our party walked down some steps to get close to the glass and could see the lion was sunbathing. You had to press your cheek against the glass. I had to take their word for it.
