Well That Was Embarrassing

CT scan

"Well that's not ideal"

That was my first thought when I went to the toilet and the toilet bowl looked like somebody had been murdered. I wasn't in any pain so I contemplated ignoring it, but this wasn't a bit of blood, it was enough for a small blood transfusion. The absence of pain meant that I couldn't call 999. It was late afternoon so there was no point phoning the doctors surgery as they would just tell me to call tomorrow at 8am when they have appointments available. I gave 111 a go and they were great, they asked me a few questions and made an immediate appointment for me at the hospital.

So I booked a taxi, bundled my trusty steed (iM.4 Elite wheelchair) in the boot, picked up my Mum and headed to the hospital.

I used Westside Taxis who I use several times a week. They've always been great with me, as I've said in a previous post the iM.4 Elite isn't the lightest chair but isn't so heavy it can't be lifted and stored in the car boot, allowing me to travel around. As long as you have kind and obliging people to help you.

An appointment had been made for me at the urology department allowing me to bypass the few hours I would have spent waiting in A&E. The urology department was completely empty and I was seen straight away. I had to give a sample on my arrival, which considering the total privacy I had, was one of the more dignified experiences during this whole process. I was then called in to see the consultant and - as this is a hospital I had flat floors, incredibly wide corridors even some of the doors are widened. Nobody was here, there were no stretched out legs to navigate and no obstacles, which as you'll know from previous posts, I am to driving what Stevie Wonder is to arts and crafts. 

I enjoy speeding around hospitals, it's almost like they're designed so it's easy to move around.

Upon testing the sample I'd provided, the consultant wanted me to go to the A&E in Stoke. He wasn't overly concerned and didn't bundle me stright into an ambulance. He didn't hold the test tube upto the light, sigh, slap me on the back and say "good luck". He didn't recoil in suprise at the blood red "urine" sample I'd given him and ask "HOLY SH*T, WHAT'S THAT?" So I wasn't too worried, but he was insistent that I went to A&E.

I bundled my trustee steed into another taxi and made my way to A&E. Stoke A&E is vast. There is a massive reception desk with several stations for many receptionists. There are different areas to wait in depending on your injury/illness. There is plenty of room everywhere and it's quite enjoyable to zoom around. I think people questioned how poorly I really was as I clearly wasn't in any discomfort and was more interested in taking advantage of this ideal motorised wheelchair environment. I was called into triage within minutes, it was confirmed what I was in for and I would need to wait for several hours to be seen. 

Yes I was in a hospital and yes there was some issue with my insides, but because of the iM.4 Elite I had independence, granted, my Mum was with me, but let's not focus on that.

A few hours went by and I was called in to see the doctor. It took all of fifteen minutes. He had a feel and a prod of my stomach and once he'd determined I wasn't in any pain, went off to speak to another consultant to determine the next course of action. He returned to say they wanted to do a CT Scan to see exactly what was going on. 

A swell guy

Now, I could moan about how it had taken several hours and 2 taxi trips which weren't exactly cheap just to tell me I needed a scan. I'm not going to do that though because I'm a swell guy... and this whole process had actually shown me with the aid of my trustee steed I was far more independent than I realised. If this had happened a few months earlier I couldn't have done anything about it as my dad was in Scotland at this time and I would have needed him to get to a hospital. 

Nowadays if I start pissing blood I can at least get to a hospital on my own. Sort of.

About a week went by and I was summoned to Stafford County hospital for a CT Scan. I called upon Westside taxis again, bundled my trustee steed into the boot and made my way to the hospital, again!

This was my first CT scan and much more pleasent than an MRI scan. A CT scan doesn't require you to wear ear defenders that have no affect on the volume of the cacophony of noise the scanner is making. I wasn't cocooned in a metal tube, I wasn't given a panic button incase I got claustrophobic. A nurse didn't stop the scan half way through to inject me with something.

The scan took about 20 minutes and I didn't want to fork out for another taxi, so I used my trusty 'dad' card and got him to pick me up.

My Journey from Headway to hospital

Next, I had an appointment at the hospital again for a 'fibre optic examination of the bladder'. Now I'm not great at medical jargon, but I was fairly sure that meant they would investigate further with a camera. I was also sure of how they were going to get access to the bladder, and, well I consider that an exit, not an entrance thank you! I got the impression they didn't share my views though. I happened to be attending Headway brain injury clinic that day, so I made my own way up to the hospital. Headway was halfway there so I only had another 1.9 miles to go. It would take quite a long time to get there, but that was something I was getting used to now.

I arrived for my appointment and was immediately taken into a side room where a nurse assisted me with shedding all my clothes and putting on a hospital gown. This is a process I tend to conduct in privacy as it requires all kinds of wiggling and contortionism. It's certainly not recommended in a tiny room that's little bigger than a stock cupboard. 

Nice wide doors though, I can't fault the door width. 

The floors were nice and smooth again and there was acres of space. Although I didn't feel like zooming around anymore.

I was called in to a decent sized room with 5 people in. There was enough space that we weren't tripping over each other, but we were in quite close proximity. Let's not forget one of us was in a hospital gown as well, a gown that was only secured by the full weight of my arse while I was sitting in the wheelchair. 

Again, good wide doors though. I couldn't fault the door width.

One of the people was clearly the consultant and I'm guessing the other 4 were students. The consultant had my CT Scan on display as I walked in. The CT scan at the top of this post is the best I could achieve using 3rd party software, but I couldn't replicate the x-ray that was on display. The scan that was showing when I entered the room showed the full extent of the issue - 4 kidney stones. One of them was a whopper - 1.6cm.

"You've got 4 kidney stones, 2 in each kidney." the consultant enquired.

"Fair enough" I thought as I started to turn around to go straight back out hoping he wouldn't want to stick a camera in me.

"Even though we know you have kidney stones, we should just look with a camera to check there's nothing else there."
Bugger!

"Have you had some previous surgery?" The consultant enquired.

The cable that is connected to the shunt in my skull was coiled up like a sleeping snake in my stomach. Any fluid that collects around my brain is sent down this tube where it releases. Now, I'm no genius but this cable was about the height of me, but was only needed for the top half of the body.

Am I the only human that's not biodigradable?

I transferred onto the bed with the help of 2 nurses. As I had got out of my wheelchair the gown was no longer secured, fortunately my modesty was covered. Until I lay on the bed and was instructed to bend my legs at the knees creating an arch. Unfortunately, a nurse had positioned herself at the foot of the bed. Surely she knew what view she was going to be subjected to? I believe she quit with immediate effect and now works in finance.

Report Urgency: no alert
Verified: verified by Clark Alexander 22 May 2025

Three-phase CT urogram

Right kidney lower pole 0.8 cm 1100 HU non-obstructing calculus. Right kidney pelvis 0.8 cm 1200 non-obstructing calculus. Minuscule non-obstructing calculus in the lower pole on the right. Left upper pole 0.9 cm 960 HU non-obstructing calculus. Left kidney pelvis 1.6 cm 1600 HU non-obstructing calculus. Left lower pole 0.4 cm diameter non-obstructing calculus. On the delayed phase no upper tract urothelial lesion seen.

Other findings;

Uncomplicated-looking VP shunt or similar. This probably accounts for the shallow peritoneal liquid. Moderate faecal loading throughout the colon. Several tiny bilateral kidney cysts. Chronic bilateral L5 pars defects. Mild thoracolumbar scoliosis. Bone density is little on the low side considering the age. Right-sided dynamic hip screw.

I got off the bed and back into my wheelchair thus securing the gown again by sitting on it. I apologised to the nurse who had stood at the end of the bed but she couldn't hear me over her hysterical crying. I went back into the stock cupboard accompanied by a nurse to get dressed. I assured him I could do this on my own, he responded by saying he's not allowed to leave me on my own in case I have an accident. 

Now people like to say the phrase "it's health & safety gone mad" I say "whoever came up with this idea of Health & Safety for every day tasks was a perv."

Nice wide doors though, I can't fault the door width. 

I returned for my procedure a few weeks later. I had opted for keyhole laser surgery. They would go in get the 2 stones next to each other (there are 2 stones in each kidney) and obliterate them. Depending on the location of the stones, they may need to fit a temporary stent. 3 out of 5 people experience pain or discomfort. *Spoiler alert* I had a stent. I did experience pain. It would last for about 3 seconds when I passed water (which is constant - your bladder holds as much water as a sock). It was like a stomach ache that would rapidly increase and have me closing my eyes and wincing, but then it was gone. I don't know if that puts me in the 3 of 5 category or the 2 of 5, but it's not anything to write about... 

I didn't think too much about this procedure as I thought "I've been in hospital before, for a whole year, I can manage 1 night!" And I was right, but what I had forgotten about was the loss of dignity, although on this occasion I wasn't completely helpless and could move.

I had a few weeks back at home, knowing that I had an appointment to have the stent removed. This would be a 20 minute procedure under local anaesthetic. I should have been enthused that they felt this procedure wasn't intrusive enough for a general anaesthetic, but I was focused on the fact that they put me to sleep to insert it but thought I was fine to be awake and witness them sticking a camera down a NO ENTRY ZONE...AGAIN! I didn't even get a gown this time, I had to undo my trousers which felt even more embarrassing. A third nurse had to be called upon to help retrieve it.

But, dignity has returned... temporarily. I get to experience all this again to destroy the remaining 2 kidney stones.

I am grateful the stones haven't taken it upon themselves to extract themselves though. I believe that is excruciating.

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook

Wheelchair seats? Sure, they're right at the back

Opera House, Manchester

I have just finished listening to Neil Warnock's audiobook 'The Gaffer: The Trials and Tribulations of a Football Manager.' Conveniently, he then appeared on a couple of podcasts I listen to, promoting some live shows he's doing in which he's even more unfiltered than he's been in the past, as he's now retired and can say what he likes. He was doing a show at the Opera House in Manchester, which isn't a million miles from where my brother Daniel lives. Daniel recommended the book to me in the first place, I didn't want to go on my own, and I was sure he would go with me. The Gods were smiling down on me it seemed and urging me to go, and if there's one rule I've always lived my life by it's DON'T PISS OFF THE GODS. so with confirmation that Daniel wanted to go as well, I headed over to atgtickets.com to book the tickets.

Access card

I've used this site several times before and if you have an account and an Access Card (as I do), your requirements are already selected when you view the site. As you can see from the picture, I have three requirements:

Level Access
For people who require wheelchair accessible facilities or have to have level access as they are unable to make even a few steps.

Distance
If you have difficulty moving yourself more than short distances

Essential Companions
This symbol is awarded to people for whom it would be significantly difficult to access services without support from another person.

I logged into the website and when I went to the event to book a seat. It says

access membership benefits applied

atgtickets.com seating plan

I was suspicious. A large amount of the 1,920 capacity are wheelchair accessible? Really?

Normally there is an option to filter just wheelchair access seats. There was no help on screen and no guidance as to how to use their search filter. There might not be any wheelchair seats available, but I could use any seat, providing I can get my wheelchair close to it. I gave them a call.

Me: I'm on your site looking to book tickets for Neil Warnock on Friday 29th August. I'm logged in but it's allowing me to buy most tickets. I'm in a wheelchair.

I went to the Utilita Arena to see Roger Waters in 2023 and there were lots of wheelchair seats. In fact there was a whole viewing platform incredibly close to the stage. That was a several thousand seating arena though, this was a twentieth century theatre, built the same year as the Titanic sank. Understandably wheelchair access is limited without making significant modifications to an existing building. But I think there could be an icon on the search filter saying wheelchair seats are unavailable.

Them: Both wheelchair seats are taken Me: Both? Them: Yes, I'm afraid there's only two seats in that theatre Me: Oh, well is there an aisle seat I can book? Them: There are steps to every other seat. Me: Oh. I'm logged in on my account and your site is allowing me to book any seat. I have an access card that clearly says I'm a wheelchair user.

She checked my account and saw that I wasn't registered as a wheelchair user on their system. Clearly it's been removed in error as my access card states that I am in a wheelchair. There is no way to view what requirements are attributed to my account however, I just have to trust that they have the correct requirements and are not allowing me to purchase tickets I can't use. Otherwise I could book any seat in that theatre, travel upto Manchester only to find I have to climb stairs to get to my seat.

Them: oh sorry your account wasn't showing you required wheelchair access, it is now.

atgtickets.com seating plan

what you actually want is a seat with a wheelchair symbol on it which are few and far between.

I couldn't find an example as most of the performances seemingly have wheelchair seats.

This is 13 Going on 30 on Friday October 10th. As you can see, there is one seat available. 

I can completely understand the want to reduce the amount of wheelchair seats purely for cost. But couldn't the government subsidise the theatre so that the customer still pays less, but the government pay the rest. Then the theatre won't miss out on the revenue.

I happened to be browsing aroound Facebook 1 day when I saw an advert for a performance by John Cleese talking about Fawlty Towers. It was at Manchester Albert Hall, which isn't a million miles away from my brother, Daniel etc.

These tickets were from seetickets.com. The sites not as interactive but it does offer wheelchair access. No doubt because the limited amount alloted were still available. I phoned up to arrange for a companion to attend with me and the lady on the other end of the phone was fantastic. She sorted it all out for me and kept apologising as it's an old building and they've done the best they can.

She set it all up and I recieved a confirmation e-mail:

This was a very much appreciated confirmation. I didn't feel like an after thought for once. The venue hadn't done the bare minimum to allow them to tick a box to say there's wheelchair access. The confirmation was hand written and she excused what I'm sure is going to be a nice experience.

Wheelchair Worries - Range anxiety

iM.4 Elite

I’m still unsure about the claimed ten mile range of my iM.4 Elite wheelchair. It’s quite an ambiguous claim. If they said it lasts for six hours, then one would know for definite how long it will last. They can’t say that though because you will likely travel on differing terrains, you’ll go up and down hill, you’ll go over bumps, you’ll stop and start repeatedly. I could go on, but you get the point.

So, as we are having uncharacteristically great weather at the moment and like I said in a previous post "I don't like to drive in the rain." As it's not likely to rain at the moment I've arranged to go and see my friend Helen Lawson who runs her business from Beaconside Business Village. I have got an appointment to see her in her proffesion as a psychic/healer/reiki master at the end of the month, but it might be raining then. Sorry, I'll rephrase. It's England so it WILL be raining then. According to the AA route planner it's 3.2 miles away, which is ten minutes in a car. So 3.2 miles there and back is 6.4 miles. I'm sure I will ride around a bit when I get there, and it is quite a large area - Beaconside Business Village is what was Stafford University - and I will have to travel a very small distance to get to the starting point. So let's call it a 7  mile round trip. That should leave me 3 miles of juice in the battery. 

Plenty?

Hmm, I was doubtful. I wasn't sure if I would make it back home. So, wearing a cap for sun protection from that orange thing in the sky, a long sleeve top because I'm too lazy to put sun screen on, a bottle of water and Mark Bates insurance on speed dial (as I get roadside recovery with my insurance). I set off, knowing I may well fail. Don't try this at home unless you're a super brave boy like me. 

Not all heroes wear capes 💪

See what I did there? I've split the video into two parts, thus upping the anxiety and maintaining your interest. Unless of course:

1. You really couldn't care less 
2. You're really annoyed you've just wasted five and a half minutes of your life watching this drivel
3. You were only vaguely interested. You were just hoping to see me stranded at the side of the road, you're not interested enough to watch a second video
   

This first part of the journey was completed in about an hour and forty minutes. I could have gone there and back ten times in a car. I don't recommennd this mode of transport over the auto-mobile. As an alternative to it, the iM.4 Elite was perfectly comfortable in that it could handle the mild terrain it had to deal with. You do have to keep your wits about you as the angle of the ground can dictate the direction of the chair, and sometimes you're in terrain where the back wheels just spin rather than change your direction. As I've said previously, the weight of this chair is the sweetspot. 26kg is still quite light, but still heavy enough for acceptable use while still light enough to fold up and store in the boot of the car. It really does give me a level of independence as I can catch any taxi and most busses or trains. Apparantly it's airline friendly, although I'm yet to test that. I can't comment on the comfort of the cushion as I replaced the thin memory foam cushion it comes with for a thick gel cushion. For the brief time I sat on it, my right leg started to go numb, but that could well just be me.

Helen took me on a quick tour on the way upto the Emerald Lounge. You can see that everywhere is flat with thin pile carpet, wide corridors, wide doors I can easily get my wheelchair through. Disabled toilets on each level. Lift access and (the all important feature), a fully accessible lounge. It also has a cafe, gym, live events area and conference/exhibition areas.

The eagle eared amongst you will notice that Helen has an eerily similar voice to the person that read a section of my book - Brain Tumours, John Bonham and Fat Pigeons - Available now on Amazon. Anyway, back to the action. After a non-alcoholic Koppaberg (I'm not a very good driver sober! Imagine if I had some alcohol in my system.) I started the drive back.

We pick up the action when I am about a mile and a half from home. I realisee what was quite a dull video before is only going to get duller. However we rejoin the action as the wheelchair is bleeping at me. Constantly. Freaking bleeping! Who wouldn't wanna see that?It's like an annoying child repeatedly poking you in the side and tellling you the same thing, over and over and over again.

Will I make it? I know, I know. This. Is. EXCITING!

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook

Wheelchair Worries - Size Does Matter

Because I'm a good boy I go to the dentist for a checkup twice a year. I always have, one needs to look after one's teeth. Sorry! I started off with a lie and you should never start off with a lie. The "always have" bit, not the looking after your teeth bit. For a long time I didn't go to the dentist, it was quite expensive and it wasn't a favourite past time of mine.  It still wasn't cheap unless you could find an NHS dentist, but I think only The Loch Ness Monster is a rarer site. I can't remember how I found out but their was a Dentist near me who were taking on NHS patients, but I had to hurry as there were a very limited number of spaces. I signed up and because I am disabled, my treatment is free. I started going again in 2018 and I've been going every 6 months ever since. The last 2 times I've attended, I've been marched off the premises and told not to show my face for 9 - 12 months. Sorry, that's a lie again. The bit about not showing my face for 9 - 12 months, although true, they didn't make it sound like I was being barred from a pub. 

Despite their appearance my teeth are in good condition, I've never had a filling or any other work done.

However, every time I've been in the past I've been in my trustee manual steed and this time I'll be in my motorised wheelchair.

I like this Dentist, the staff have always been very accommodating and help me get into the building, they always make the downstairs treatment room available and they don't make me get into the dentist chair unless absolutely necessary. I'm reluctant to shine a light on the fact that there is no wheelchair access at all. The dental practice is an old end-of-terrace house. Come to think of it the dental practice I used in my younger days was an identical set up, but that one was far worse accessibility wise - I think there was a step up to the front door.

The entrance to this is flat, but the door is PVCu. The entrance is very narrow so the door can only open ninety degrees, but the door is about an inch thick, meaning the already narrow entrance loses about an inch and a half of width when the door is open. The frame/surround has about a 20mm lip at the bottom which I can get over in the manual chair by pushing my feet against the ground to lift the chair. I don't know how possible that will be in a chair that's over twice the weight.

I haven't been in nine months though, so if they've fixed the issue, you've just wasted your time reading this. You're welcome. 😁 At least you can watch the video and witness me - in what is becoming a running theme on this blog - running into a wall and running off the curb into the road. Again, you're welcome 😁

So, in conclusion, nothing much has changed, it's still as difficult to access. The reception desk is aboout the height of my shoulders and the receptionist is sitting behind the desk and doesn't stand to make communication any easier. The floor is nice and smooth though and there is acres of room. The denist room is very congested and extremely difficult to move around. There's barely enough room to turn around - and I can turn on a six pence. 

Also, there's this really big imovable chair in the way which I'm not sure is necessary...

All in all it's not too much of a problem as I only have to do it once a year and it's another opportunity to take advantage of now being independant. In the past I've had to get a taxi or get a lift off my parents'. It's a great opportunity to meet people. I've met a few people while I'm out pootling around - especially when the weather was good and people were out walking their dogs. Dogs are often fascinated by the chair that moves on its own. I had to stop on one occasion because I could hear a dog wheezing as it was straining at its lead to get to me. The wheelchair can also be a good conversation starter for the non dog-owner as was the case at the Dentist's when a woman was telling me about her friend who has a motorised wheelchair.

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook

Wheelchair Worries - Just call me Phoebe Buffay

Phoebe Buffay doesn't
like flying in rain

I've always said I'm like Phoebe Buffay and the reaction from the strangers who's conversation I've just interrupted to tell them this, is always,

"Who are you?" or "Erm, ok. Thanks for letting me know?"

Well now I've got proof. 

Phoebe doesn't like to fly commercial airliners' in the rain. I don't like to ride my motorised wheelchair in the rain. 
Similar.

Phoebe Buffay has never flown in the rain, so how does she know? I've never ridden my wheelchair in the rain so how would I know? She just knew and I just knew.
Similar.
Phobe's grandmother left her a family recipe which turned out to be from Nestlè Tollhouse and is burning in...ok, the similarities end there.

On Monday 19th May I decided to make my own way to Andy's Man Club. I normally get a lift there and take a taxi back, It's a journey that takes 7 minutes by car, however, (at most) I can achieve 4mph so it took me 40 minutes. I videoed my entire trip using the high tech set up of my old Samsung smartphone attached to a tripod that I held between my legs. As a lot of you reading this won't have experienced travelling long distances in a wheelchair, I thought it would be interesting for you to experience it with me. 

Full disclosure, on reflection. it isn't. 

My battery status

I thought I'd add some jeopardy to the video by updating you on the range of my battery. The battery - even though fully charged - would drain quite quickly (I thought) because of the terrain. Even though the iM.4 Elite has an (alleged) range of 10 miles, I assumed that was a best case scenario, you would only achieve that if you were driving on a 10 mile long, flat piece of marble. I was going to be on footpaths, going up hills I even might have to swerve pot holes. 

Full disclosure again, there is no jeopardy. It appears the iM.4 Elite really does have that range. It only lost 2 of it's 5 bars. For those of you mathematically challenged, that's 40% or 4 miles.

At the end of my journey as I approached Stafford Rugby Club - where Andy's Man Club is, I stopped filming... Moments before I went off road and got stuck in gravel trying to avoid the 4 speed bumps that were breaking my back when I went over them. Fortunately a woman was walking behind me who offered to drag me out. She struggled though because - as i've mentioned before the chair is heavy and when it's in motorised mode it can't be moved. So she was pushing a 26kg chair, with the handbrake on with a 10 stone man sitting in the chair. Oh, and she can't get traction because her feet are sliding on the gravel. I remember thinking before venturing off-road "this is a bad idea! You're going to get stuck." But as you have probably worked out I'm a bit of an idiot. Here is an excerpt of my book (Brain Tumours, John Bonham and Fat Pigeons) read by my friend Helen Lawson. 

The e-book is only £1.77 and although primarily about my year long stay in hospital due to a brain tumour, there are several occasions when I tell humorous stories from my past.

But I'm sure you're eagerly waiting to watch my epic journey from my POV. It was forty minutes, but Ive edited it down as not all of it was as exciting as crossing the road. No need to thank me.

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook

Wheelchair Worries - My quest to get a motorised wheelchair part IV. And the winner is...

I was getting close to picking my chariot. I'd tested a few, I'd done research on others, I'd looked at the pros of renting over buying - spoiler alert, there aren't any - this was looking dangerously like I'd taken my time and was making a sensible decision. Fear not, I'm sure normal service will be resumed. 

But for now I will remain on this path, I've even made this little table to show which chairs are in the running.

	Price	Showroom location	Carry weight (at it’s lightest)	Range	Rear wheel size
iM.4 Elite
Freedom A06
Ultra Light Folding Electric Wheelchair
Freedom Pro ST
Automatic Folding Freedom Elite AF
Freedom Elite ST
Dashi Eco Foldable Powerchair
Pride iGo
Dashi (125kg) Folding Powerchair
Invacare Alber Erivo Folding Powerchair
LW1 Lightweight Folding
Zora
Stratus

I was pretty close to making a decision, but I thought it would be worth giving Wheelchair Services a call to see if they could help. Who are wheelchair services you ask? Good question. When I was first wheelchair bound it was part of the NHS - a department within Cannock Chase hospital. They were responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of your wheelchair. As time has moved on things have changed (I think we still had black and white televisions when I first used the service) and it was outsourced to a private company. There have been many companies over the years. I hadn't used them for several years after my last encounter with the MD/owner of the then current occupant - Opcare. But that's in the past, I won't say anymore... Except she was the type of person who would look out of the window, see it's raining and tell you it's sunny.
Oops, now, NOW I won't say anymore...

I had used Opcare a few years before this MD/owner came to power. I visited them at their place of residence on an industrial estate in Stoke, there were four or five employees as you enter into a large room and two separate treatment rooms. I sat in the main room in a designated waiting area, waiting to be called into the treatment room for my appointment. 

A few years passed by and I hadn't had a reason to return, but my gel cushion was leaking, so I asked for their help. Things were very different this time. I entered the main room to be greeted by one person sat on a chair in the middle of an almost empty room. One or two desks were pushed up against the wall with unplugged monitors, keyboards and various office paraphernalia resting on it. I didn't see into the treatment rooms but I suspect they were similarly abandoned...

Dammit! I've done it again! Seriously, I've said too much, this has got nothing to do with getting a motorised wheelchair...

When I would phone them, it would just ring endlessly, there wasn't even an answer phone. I was later told by Fibby McFibberson (MD/owner), that this was because they were inundated with calls so they couldn't answer mine. I reminded her I'd seen the empty building, but she said the phones are answered in a different location.

Sorry, I didn't realise I was still holding onto that!

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. The contract now belongs to AJM Healthcare. They have a private and commercial side of the business and a NHS funded wheelchair service. They will assess you and offer you a wheelchair to suit your needs. You have the option to accept that NHS wheelchair or accept a voucher and use it to get a chair privately and you pay the difference. They will then bring a chair to your home for you to try. If you then choose to purchase it they will send you information of the various charities you can apply to for a grant. A member of there clinical team can write a covering letter to ensure the charity realise you are making a legitimate claim.

My book

I decided to make one last throw of the dice before making my decision. I gave them a call and had a fifteen minute assessment over the phone. He took down my requirements, sent them to his engineers and arranged for someone to come to my house to demonstrate the chair(s). If I didn't like the chair(s) they could help me find a better suited chair. There is no obligation to buy, but if like me, you need some guidance, it's a very appreciated service. The chair they chose to demonstrate to me was the Quickie Q50r carbon. It was only 14kg with an 8 inch back wheel. I made my usual knee jerk reaction and immediately decided it was going to be pointless for them to come and demonstrate it to me, it was too light and small. But this is Tom 2.0. I decided to give them a chance and met Ben Zissmin who now worked for AJM Healthcare. He is possibly the single most impressive person I've met in my life, but I haven't met Mr Blobby yet, so Ben could still lose that accolade. I won't say much about him here, maybe I'll save that honour for my second book...

Oh, which reminds me, my book - Brain Tumours, John Bonham and Fat Pigeons - isn't available in any good bookstores. On the plus side, it's not available in any bad book stores either. It's available on Amazon only. 

Quickie Q50r carbon

It was quite a nifty little thing, like an office chair. That was the problem though. You would enjoy zooming around the office car park during your lunch break, but you wouldn't use it get home. To be fair the wheels were bigger than an office chair...I think. I took it out for a spin and Ben gave me some much needed pointers. I've taught myself over the past couple of weeks and I don't think I've done too badly but he was pointing out a few things I was aware of but wasn't showing enough respect. The main issue facing foldable motorised wheelchairs is they need to be light enough to lift, yet still practical. I've found that about 26kg is a good balance between making it easier to transport, store, and maneuver and it's ability to handle terrain. The Quickie wasn't great on either fronts. Just going up a slightly raised curb required you to be directly in front of it with straight wheels. The front wheels on a wheelchair spin around like trolley wheels, allowing a very tight turning circle. If there was a pebble on the ground you had to decide if you were approaching at the correct angle to tackle it. You had to ensure you were on the side of the path furthest from the road because any slight change in the slope of the terrain, would dictate the direction you were going in. It coped better than I thought it would, but it didn't impress.

 

	Price	Showroom location	Carry weight (at it’s lightest)	Range	Rear wheel size
Quickie Q50r carbon

And the winner is...

iM.4 Elite

It probably won't shock you that I went with the iM.4 Elite. It wasn't the cheapest, but it also wasn't the most expensive. But the Easy Living Mobility showroom is a 10 minute trip, which is very convenient, but convenience alone doesn't impress me - customer service does. Easy Living Mobility were my first point of call and arranged for me to borrow the Freedom A06 for £70 plus £150 refundable deposit. Just about everywhere else didn't let me borrow a chair, or if they did wanted to charge me hundreds. Nathan (salesman) allowed me to interview him so I could record it on my blog. I then dealt with Aby who helped me enormously and re-assured me they are there for me aftersales. I can not recommend them enough.

As soon as I got it home I wasted no time in getting out and about it. It's an absolute game changer. Although, the same issue I had when testing the Freedom A06 still existed with this. The terrain dictated my direction, so I got into the habit of driving on the far side of the path, away from the road.  At least this responded fairly quickly when you tried to rectify it. The Freedom A06 seemed to keep skidding towards the road until my heart was beating so fast it sounded like it was doing a drum roll. This was 3kg heavier but was still light enough to pick up, had bigger wheels and better suspension. However, unless the chair is too heavy to pick up, it's going to have this problem.

I embarked on a lengthy journey and intended to do several journey updates as I went, but it became clear I needed a phone holder to do this. I think they're onto something when they say you shouldn't use your mobile phone when driving. I found it quite hard to hold the phone while looking where I was going and looking where the camera was pointed and trying to commentate on my progress..

Fortunately there weren't any wheelchair police around.

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook

Wheelchair Worries - My quest to get a motorised wheelchair part III

I still wanted to try more wheelchairs, I was going to be paying a significant amount of money for something that I would have for a long time...hopefully. I thought I'd found a similar deal with Mobility Hire that I had with Easy Living Mobility I.E I could loan a chair, but that price went up considerably from the £93.00 visible on the website to £373.20...up again to £487.20 when delivery is added.

EeZeeGo LW1
Lightweight Folding

Back to Google I go, but this time to look for a company who will allow me to hire the chair for a reasonable price. Step up EzeeGo. They have a great website with a good selection of new, used and 'for hire' wheelchairs. I liked the look of LW1 Lightweight Folding Electric Wheelchair it was 24kg - 2kg lighter than the Etech and Easy Living Mobility. It only had 10 inch wheels - 2.5 less than the other 2 - and plain plastic castor wheels on the front. Only the Etech had tread on the front wheels, I'm not sure if that makes any difference or is important, but this is my blog my rules and I say it is important.

EeZeeGo buying
options

'Worth a shot' I thought. I chose the option to hire it for 2 weeks. That was going to be £100...EH? hang on, it clearly says "available to hire from only £30.77", but the option to rent it for that price doesn't come up. The cheapest option is £100 for 2 weeks. Now I'm no math genius but I'm pretty sure that's £50 a week, not the £30.77 advertised. The most expensive option is £400 for 3 months, which works out at £33.33. So it seems to be impossible to rent it for as cheap as they claim. I chose the cheapest options:

Hire term: 2 weeks £100
Delivery option: Standard delivery £59
Security deposit: Refundable security deposit £250
Total: £409

£409! for 2 weeks! I could buy a chair from Etech for £845.50.

It doesn't seem like renting is a very cost effective option. I returned to Google and found a mobility showroom in Stoke - CareCo. They sell everything - mobility scooters, wheelchairs, motorised wheelchairs, walking aids, recliners and walking aids. I booked an Uber and made the 30 minute trip to hopefully take a few wheelchairs for a spin.

I had no idea this place was so close by. The showroom was deceptively big and all one level. The walkways' were very wide and everything was nicely spaced out so you could see each product up close. They welcomed me in and once they found out what I was after, took me to their selection of motorised wheelchairs. 

The first chair I tried was the Zora. It was made from carbon fibre and weighed 13kg or 2 stone. My cumbersome, hard to move, lard-arse manual wheelchair is only 12kg. Does that mean mine is carrying a lot of weight or the Zora is freakishly light? The latter. The website boasts that it is "The lightest powerchair in the world". It's carbon fibre price tag illustrated this, £2,500...add another £500 VAT on top of that. 

It was quite a small chair and the arm felt quite flimsy when I was transferring from my chair into it. The rear wheel size is only 11 inches and the front wheel is only 6 inches, and all four were similar in how painfully thin they were. It's like the wheels were tip-toeing, barely connecting with the floor. I gave it a whirl, but there was nowhere other than the flat smooth shop floor and the incredibly smooth car park to put it through its paces. I'm fairly sure if I faced a piece of gravel I would have to go round it. If I tried to run over it I might be in danger of having to buy the Zora because of irreversible damage.

I tried the Stratus powerchair while I was there. It reminded me of the Freedom A06 I borrowed first. It was fairly substantial looking, it only weighed 17kg (2.7 stones) someway below the 'sweet spot'. The back wheels were 11inch and the font 7, they were asking £1,699 and another £340 VAT. It wasn't looking hopeful so I took it for a spin around the store to give it a 'thorough' testing. This place sold everything! 

It wasn't going to be selling this wheelchair though. The wheelchairs were too light and too expensive.

Look out for the final part 'My quest to get a motorised wheelchair part IV'

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook

Wheelchair Worries - My quest to get a motorised wheelchair part II

iM.4 Elite

Now that I'd had the chair for a week I reported my findings to Aby at Easy Living Mobility. Thanks to this loan I knew more about what I wanted now and I was fairly sure the Freedom A06 wasn't it. I told her how I didn't seem to have much control over its direction at times. I was feeling fairly downbeat, I was bothered that foldable wheelchairs just weren't going to be heavy enough to give me decent traction, and that was a major problem. Aby told me that the lighter a wheelchair, the less it sticks to the road, but - as she mentioned over the phone a few days ago - she wanted to show me the iM.4 Elite. Aby was sure it was ideal for my needs. It's their own brand and not available in any other stores. It was still light enough to pick up at 24.6kg or 3.87stone (at its lightest), but it had bigger wheels and much better suspension.

Freedom A06
vs
iM.4 Elite

It was on display currently so I couldn't give it a go, but its bigger brother (Voyager) was available to try around the store and car park. It was identical in every way but had got Increased Tensile Aluminium Frame whereas the Elite has Lightweight Aircraft Quality Aluminium Frame. 

I zoomed around outside (actually I crept around on the lowest speed setting). Aby was walking beside me, there were many unscratched cars parked around, I thought having it on the lowest speed setting would limit the potential of me inflicting damage.

It felt brilliant. It felt grippy and sturdy. The outside of the shop might not have been Millbrook test track but it was handy for testing the chair. There were drop curbs and the path had crumbled getting down to it. The Freedom A06 would have slid towards and the tyres would have struggled to get traction on the gravel. Not the iM.4 Voyager/Elite. To get from the path to the road I had to cross some cobbled tiles/paving slabs, which it handled without any problem. There were a few cracks and divots in the road, which the chair had no problem going over. I drove it outside for a couple of minutes and returned to the shop. Granted, it wasn't much of a test, but I knew what I was looking for now. Either the iM4.Elite was what all chairs I tested from now on were going to be like or this was going to be a class leader. I was thoroughly impressed.

I wanted to test some more chairs before making my decision.

My current wheelchair

A lot of the results were from companies selling online only, or if they had a store it was a long way away. For example mobility extra were advertising the Ultra Light Folding Electric Wheelchair. It's only 18.5kg or two stone one pound. My current wheelchair is 12kg or one stone nine pounds. Mobility Extra had got a store, but it is in Essex. Their website has got a chat function, so I asked some questions. The response is pretty quick and it's a human not a bot, so they do actually answer what you ask, rather than saying "I don't understand, did you mean..."

Me:if I wanted to try before I buy, but can't get to Essex, am I be able to arrange a short term loan?
Them:You can take advantage of our 14 day return policy. We can ship the chair to you so you can check it meets your needs in the comfort of your own home. As long as the chair has not been damaged or used extensively outdoor we will accept a return and full refund. We can arrange the return process and collection for you so it’s hassle free.
Them:We can’t offer a loan ourselves but you can use Klarna or PayPal credit at our checkout.
Me:so I would have to pay full price and risk not being able to return it if I use it outdoors?
Them:Yes, you will have to pay. You can test it outdoors as long as it doesn’t get any damage. Some wear in the tyres is fine.

MX-Air
from Mobility Extra

They do have a fourteen day returns policy, but it makes me nervous paying full price and relying on them to deem it acceptable for refund. That wasn't quite what I had in mind. I like the idea of having a store nearby and I'm not great at geography, but I'm fairly sure Essex isn't nearby.

Back to Google I went! Etech Mobility seemed like a very good option. Their prices were ludicrously low, which made me think they were on-line prices only. They had an online chat that connected me to a human straight away who told me that they have a showroom in Birmingham where I could make an appointment to try some wheelchairs. I can certainly get to Birmingham, but it's not exactly local.

Me:Are the prices on your website (for example:Lightweight Electric Wheelchair | Folding Powerchair | Freedom Pro ST) cheaper than if you buy instore?
Them:It will be still the same.

They have got 4.8 out of 5 based on 495 reviews. A little concerning...why haven't they got five? (Imagine a sarcastic tone when you read that). At these prices, the distance didn't seem to be much of an issue. I made an appointment to try out a few chairs. I really liked the look of Limited Edition Purple Lightweight Electric Wheelchair | Freedom Pro ST at £997.50. Unfortunately they hadn't got the limited edition purple in stock, but they had got it in blue. The only difference being the blue one was £152 cheaper! Suddenly I didn't particularly like the purple colour as much.

Etech is on a business park so it's very similar terrain to what I'd be using it on. I was really impressed with it. It felt brilliant, the steering wasn't too sensitive and the joystick control was switched for a golf ball shaped control, which I found much easier to hold, my hand would rest in that position. It became awkward and tiring to hold the stick. There were a few divets in the tarmac which the chair went over with barely any bump. This had large (12inch) puncture proof tyres on the back and smaller (8inch) tyres on the front, but these front tyres had tread on them. The Freedom A06 had 10 inch puncture proof tyres on the back and 8inch plastic castors on the front. It was substantial in size, it engulfed me, I looked like the Freedom A06 was too small for me. I looked out of place sitting in it, like I had squeezed into it. It weighs 26kg which is 3kg heavier than the Freedom A06 but my brother was with me who managed to pick it up without any issue.

He had brought out the Automatic Folding Lighweight Electric Wheelchair Freedom Elite AF which at the touch of a button would fold itself up. Ideal for storage I thought, It wouldn't have to take up so much space in my house when I'm not using it. Plus it looked cool! And that's the important thing, it was like a transformer. Unfortunately it was a transformer who needed to go to weight watchers. It was 28kg and my brother - upon lifting it - felt it was probably too heavy. Around 26kg seemed to be the sweet spot. I didn't try that one, but I did try its little brother. It wasn't a transformer, but it was sporting Etech's Luxury Leather Seat Cover, an optional extra at £84.99.

I wasn't a fan of this at all. The control was far too sensitive. It was heavier than the Freedom A06 but it triggered my PTSD again from not confidently being able to control it. I was having the old zig zag problem and the slightest touch of the stick seemed to overcorrect too much, when I was intending to adjust the direction a little bit. The tyres didn't have tread on them either, they were like plastic shopping trolley castors. I don't know if this made much difference, but I felt I was now an expert in motorised wheelchairs and saw this is a major flaw.

I said my thankyou's and told him I'd let him know as I wanted to try some more wheelchairs before I decide.

There is Mobility Hire in Tewkesbury. They offer a huge range of products like bathroom aids and walking aids as well as motorised wheelchairs. They do have a showroom but it is over an hour away. There is the advantage that you can hire all products on a temporary basis however.

Dashi Eco Foldable
Powerchair

I emailed them a short description of what I'm looking for (lightweight and foldable) to see what they suggest and they came back with a number of options. She recommended the Dashi Eco Foldable Powerchair, Pride iGo (120kg) Folding Powerchair, Dashi (125kg) Folding Powerchair and Invacare Alber Erivo Folding Powerchair.

I liked the look of the Erivo, it looked quite substantial and looked like it could handle the local mean streets easily. It is 28kg though (4.4stones) and slightly above my sweet spot, whereas the Dashi Eco Foldable Powerchair is only 23kg (3.6stones). The Dashi was available for £93.00pw. They were a bit far away to purchase from but I could at least rent a chair to try for a week. I started orrdering it and the cost quickly increased, within a few clicks it was asking me for £373.20!

Me: I've gone through the buyimg process for the Dashi Eco Foldable but stopped before purchasing as it was going to cost £373.20 not the £93.00pw advertised? It's ordering for 2 weeks, I only want it for 1. I realise a £150 returnable deposit and VAT is included in this, but an extra £280 isn't right surely?
Them: Our minimum rental charge is for two weeks, so the online ordering will default at the minimum two. You are welcome to have the Powerchair for a shorter amount of time, but the minimum rental charge will remain.
Me: Can I pickup and return the chair myself? That would take £95 off the cost and with the return of the security deposit, that would be a total of £245 off.
Them: Please find below the revised quotation to include customer delivery/collection:
Minimum two weeks hire of Dashi Eco Foldable Powerchair: £186.00
Security Deposit: £150.00
Customer Collection: £0.00
Customer Return: £0.00
Total Costings: £336.00(ex VAT)

Look out for part III 'My quest to get a motorised wheelchair' 

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook