Am I A Grown Up If I Don't Drink Coffee?

When I was about 16 I had a job as a cleaner, I was asked to make a cup of tea...and, um. I didn't know how. I'd never made it as I didn't drink it, which led me to a sudden desire to have a cup of *drum roll*, coffee...I thought coffee would be more grown up, and I wanted to be all growed up 'n' that. It tasted like Satan had relieved himself into my mug. I also burnt my mouth. I was probably not as cautious as I should have been as I'm used to drinks that don't cause me 3rd degree burns when consuming them, so I took to big a gulp.

Ever since I have been of the opinion that anybody who drinks hot drinks is a mentalist.

As a man in his 40s now, I thought I'd give it a go again. Not drinking tea/coffee was giving me FOMO as people always seem to be going for a coffee and a natter or it provides a topic of conversation that I can't join in on.

Starbucks

A friend of mine always goes to the Starbucks drive thru and recommended I try a medium caramel, de-caffenated (as she knows I'm a weakling that will likely spontaneously combust if I have caffeine) with coconut milk. 

I saw this as an opportunity to review a few of the coffee shops around Stafford. By review I mean I would look at the few minor things that affected me. I decided I would try 3 of them; Starbucks, Cafe Nero and Coffee #1. I got onto my trustee steed (iM4.Elite from Easy Living Mobility)to try Starbucks first.

Well, it didn't start well. The door is manual, the door is heavy. I had to pull it towards me whilst moving backwards in my wheelchair, something that is a struggle, unless a kind person see's my struggle and comes to help me. The actual shop floor is slightly higher than the entrance, but there is an easy to navigate ramp. At least they've considered accessibillity when you get inside at least.

Next was ordering a coffee.

 
The counter was extremely high, if you were around five foot I'd imagine you'd be straining to see over. My sitting height is  considerably under five foot, so I sat there unnoticed until another customer appeared that could be seen over the counter, and the server then noticed I was waiting. I gave my order - reading the order I'd been given word for word, hoping I wasn't being hazed. 

"This might have been the

coffee equivalent of telling

an apprentice to go shopping

for tartan paint" 

The payment point was out of my reach and was stuck down, so it couldn't be handed to me. I handed my card over and the server had to pay for me.

The verdict
*shrugs shoulders* meh...It was ok I suppose. It didn't burn my face hole, which I always find encouraging, but it didn't taste particularly cofee-ee. Granted, I don't really know what it should taste like, but I am an absolute chocaholic and my favourite chocolate is Thorntons dark chocolate Coffee Cream. This didn't taste remotely like that. So I'm concluding it's not really coffee. Maybe it was because it was de-caffeineted. Or, maybe it was the coconut milk. 

Tick the box

While I was here I used Starbucks' toilets.
Actually just before I talk about that, I want to mention/moan about; I was at an Indian Restaurant reecently and they said they were wheelchair accessible. 

They weren't.

There were several red flags to these claims, but they were issues that could be kind of justified. Some people feel wheelchair accessible is just a box that needs ticking. Convenience or comfort aren't considered, they are only interested in ticking the box. However, there was no disabled loo. This is more than a red flag. In my opinion this would mean the restaurant isn't wheelchair accessible, but they might argue that the lack of a toilet doesn't stop me accessing it, so... In other words, we've ticked the box, stop moaning.

I wish people would be honest about the restrictions rather than just saying "yes". They may have got my money on that occasion but I won't return.

Anyway Starbucks did have a disabled toilet. The door was left partially open so there was no door handle to navigate - not an issue for me but that may be a difficulty for others. The room was plenty big enough to put my wheelchair side on in front of the toilet, retract the arm and transfer on to the loo. 

I have been in many disabled toilets that are barely wide enough to fit the wheelchair in at all, let alone put it side on and retract the arm.

Picture courtesy of
The Staffordshire Spotter

I left Starbucks with the intention of heading for Cafe Nero but I got side tracked as I neared Masovia Craft Bakery. I remembered seeing a post on The Staffordshire Spotter promoting the bakery and the pictures looked amazing, I just had to try out the cakes. Oh and they served coffee. I mustn't forget the coffee, that is the purpose of this reconnaissance mission. I headed in to order a piece of Black Forest gateau. Oh and I tried a cappuccino aswell. 

*Note to self: must not forget I'm here for coffee*

What arrived... Holy Shirt Balls! A slab of cake almost as big as the plate it was on arrived. It was as tall as the accompanying cappuccino. How was the accompanying cappucino I hear you ask?

meh...It was ok I suppose.

But the cake! I remember Black Forest gateau when I was a kid and nothing comes close to my memory. It had real cherry's and thick cream on top. the chocolate sponge, unmistakenly, tasted of chocolate. This cake meant that I didn't have to rely on my memories of this long lost gem.

I wasn't understanding this obsession with coffee though. Cappucino at least tasted more like coffee than the one I ordered in Starbucks and I hadn't burned my face hole again. Maybe this achievement answers the question "am I grown up?"

Yes, yes I am..

The doors into the bakery were open, so I didn't have a similar issue getting in, but I did notice that the doors open outward and were similar to the glass door at Starbucks. The bakery itself is quite large, but there isn't much floorspace. A lot of the space is taken by the counter and displays of cakes, breads, doughnuts etc. To the right of the counter there are a series of tables stretching the length of the shop, each with 3 chairs surrounding them. I didn't see any toilets, I suspect they were at the top of the shop where the walkway narrowed and I'm not sure the wheelchair could fit.

Next up was Cafe Nero. Guess what? I was presented with a heavy glass door that opens outwards. Guess what else? I struggled to open it and relied on the shop assistant to help me out. I ordered a cappucino again but this time with a sprinkling of Cinnamon. The  paying point was out of my reach again, but it could be detached from its holder and handed down to me. How was the cappucino I hear you ask?

meh...It was ok I suppose.

The cinnamon gave it a nice taste at first but it still didn't make the cappucino a favourite of mine.

The final stop would be Coffee Number 1. I came across Coffee Number 1 when I went to hear Charlotte Faulconbridge on her book tour for her book 'Too High To Function". It's about dealing with visible and hidden disabilities, which she speaks about with a lifetime of experience in one form another.

The coffee shop always stuck in my mind because it reminded me of Central Perk in Friends. There were tables and chairs but there was also a couch and arm chairs and acres of space. There was lots of floor space and masses of room between tables, so I presumed there was a decent level of privacy from prying ears. 

Coffe Number 1 isn't part of a chain, it's an independent coffee shop. Unfortunately it too had the industry standard anti wheelchair doors. But once inside there is acres of room, it's very quiet, the atmosphere is very serene, it gives off pleasent vibes straight away. There is music playing, but it's background music, allowing you to have quiet conversations. There are a great selection of cakes, the payment point is low enough for me to use and I wasn't kept waiting until I was spotted. I ordered a piece of caramel shortbread to accompany my cappucino. I'm still not convinced by cappucino, but then I'm not convinced by coffee at all, the promise of cakes is what will keep me coming. It was probably my favourite cappucino so far, there was quiite a lot of froth on the top which suits me fine, it doesn't taste of coffee.

Out of the four coffee shops I think this is my favourite. Once I'd navigated the doors, I enjoyed every aspect of it. Mainly the large amount of floor space and the fact the tables were quite far apart.

I came back a few days later with a friend. No more FOMO for me! This boy is all grown up. Granted I had hot chocolate instead of coffee and the lemon drizzle cake might have made it more appealing, but swings and roundabouts.

@fatpigeonsbook

@fatpigeonsbook